What If I Just Kill This Blog?

You see, times changing.
I have this blog for so long but right now I don't think it will go anywhere.
Either I revamp everything -- which I doubt that I have time or energy to do that -- or just delete the whole thing.
You see, I don't think no one read this blog and when sometimes I'm okay with that, many times I think writing where no one will ever read it, is a waste of time. And thoughts.
So, what if I just kill this blog?

Cari Bidang Baru

Itulah yang harus aku lakukan sejak setahun lalu. Sambil bekerja sambil mendua alias selingkuh.Maksudnya selingkuh ini tentu saja browsing mencari pekerjaan baru, syukur-syukur bidang baru yang bisa menarik karena ada hal-hal yang dapat dipelajari dan terasa seru.

Sepertinya, berada di tempat yang sama dan bidang yang sama, biarpun uangnya menarik, membuatku merasa makin terasing dari diri sendiri.

Sungguh perasaan yang tidak enak.

Seperti menghabiskan aset (usia) yang unrenewable, seperti membunuh diri sendiri pelan-pelan.

Tetapi kalau mau pindah, ke mana? Mengerjakan apa?

Wirausaha? Mengusahakan apa?

Sepertinya aku sedang mengalami krisis dan butuh bantuan atau jalan keluar. Butuh bantuan. Seperti sedang tenggelam pelan-pelan dalam perasaan menjalani hidup tidak optimal. Pantas semangat kerjaku menghilang akhir-akhir ini.

Time Flies And I Am Still Here Part II

I forgot to change and when I realized that my surrounding is not good anymore, I felt helpless to move out. The environment that I am living in is not going the way I was expected of it. It become degrade and I have to swallow a lot of feelings just to pass a routine workday.


I know I'm not the only one who felt this way but I do not know where to find someone with similar predicament. This is funny, talking about failure and yet able to keep the lid on emotional breakdown. Such is the challenge these days, right? Keeping it straight, putting up a face, when actually little by little, everyday, you die in layers and bits and parts.

No Change (?)

Been doing a lot of reading and thinking lately, plus seeing successful persons, made me realize that those whom people looked up to are those who were -- and still are! -- persistent on reaching and achieving their goals.

And of course, "The Vision".

It's like they see what they want to be in the future and then set out to attain it.

But not me. I've live more than a quarter of a century and still I felt that my life is just so-so. There were times when I looked myself in the mirror and dislike what I see there. Ain't that pathetic?

Seemed like an inherent thing in me, setting goals but doing nothing to achieve any. Now, after all these times, precious, unreversable stream of wasted resource, suddenly I'm dragged to harsh realities:

TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE

especially for people like me.

Eliminate All The Drama

And here We are, in this isolated universe, cling tightly to each other, afraid to let go, afraid of getting lost in this nothingness. You, Me, and The Void around us. We are nothing. But you are everything. This should be the right time for salvation: You and Me and Void, looked everywhere for the sign of the Saviour. Our search could end up in vain. Hopelessness engulfed Us because We are weak. Even together We are not strong enough. Your tears falling down Your unblemished cheek. It fell but then started to change. Into a blade... Broaden and widen still yet so thin that even the breadth of My hair is thicker than Your Blade of Tear. It slowly fell down as Your hand went up to reach It. I was very afraid. Afraid of Your fearfulness. Afraid in Your fear You will let go of My arm and hold the Blade in both of Your Arms.