Love Myself

That is what I should do. I have to start from somewhere and the best point is to begin with myself.

I would love myself more and yet at the same time push myself to the limit because I have no more time to spend useless and aimless like what I have done in the last couple of years.

If I still intent on going with the way I were before, better if I end this all right now.

Because I have someone that I want to spend my life with, this is what I should do:

PUSH MYSELF HARD EVERYDAY FOR A WHOLE YEAR.

Only after that we can see what and where I would be next year, on December of 2012.

The more I love myself, the harder I should put my effort on making my future better. For her.

Stand By Me

"Stand By Me, Nobody Knows The Way It's Gonna Be..."

Is that an adequate thing to say to the one you wish would be there for you when you need that person the most?

How much trust can you give to a person to be there for you, support you, a safe harbour when you are trying to escape a storm?

Can I depend on the person the way that person depend on me?

I Guess That's One Down

There's a lot happened already. Problems, problems, and more problems. Hurt my head. Hurt my feelings. Nothing positive coming out of this. Some of the times I felt worse because actually I am fooling others, I am fooling myself, and I am fooling God. At least the latter part, I pretend to be fooling Him.

So that's it. After years of working and splurging, experiencing a lot and missing a lot more, high times and low, I am officially broke.

That one experience alone is worth more. I know how helpless one could feel about that. How much money can influence the quality of my life. How was it affecting me, my choices, my actions, etc.

From training myself to be more positive and outwardly, it changed me to the extreme reversion. Such is the power of money. I hope I would never be encountering the same problem again or else I'd be losing my sanity [hyperbole intended].

After -- at least I think I did -- tackled that one problem down, I have another one: to change my spending habit. This one is really hard and I mean, REALLY HARD. I hope I could, though.

While I'm at it, I guess the other one is to confront the result of my own doing a few months ago. This one is as hard as it may be.

God, help me to be able to speak this one out.

Day 110: The Bleakest Period Of My Life

Talk to me softly / There is something in your eyes / Don't hang your head in sorrow

And please don't cry /I know how you feel inside / I've been there before
Somethin is changin' inside you / And don't you know
.

.

.

Don't you cry tonight

There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
.

.

.

Give me a whisper / And give me a sign / Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye / Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you / And the times we had...baby
.

.

.

You gotta make it your own way / But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow / Come the morning light now baby

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I still don't know what to say.  But all I know that it was all my fault. The only thing left to do now is learning from this.

Maybe I am not worthy of anything and God just made me here to be an example of bad judgement in life, love, and relationship.

I am sorry, L.

I am sorry, M.