Day 270: Life Is As Good As What You Make Of It

It is two in the morning and everybody's asleep. Well, that's almost everybody, because if you can read this post that only mean that I am not sleeping, not yet, anyway. I did not want to sleep because when I sleep it will be Your face that I see, it will be Your face that I will be dream of. So, instead of a slumber, I chose to keep myself awake.

Someone I overheard saying that Life is as good as what one would make of but maybe I just didn't buy it. I mean, if there's always this perpetual feeling that things could be -- or should I say must be -- getting much better, why does it seem that for me at least that everything has come to a halt, being stagnant (if I couldn't say that it's getting worse and worsen), depressingly routine. It is hard to believe and hold on some optimistic point of view when every facts you have point on the other way.

I shouldn't be saying this -- or in this case, wrote about this -- but this need to write something on this wee hour is so great that I must write. Something. Before I will myself to sleep. Facing You again, in Your own domain, Your dwelling place. And there is nothing that prepare me to another encounter with You.

There is light and there is Light, but there is Dark also.

I just don't know what You represent. Not yet, anyway.

Me Thinks Not...

Me not thinking anything right now.

Me not thinking about it right now.

Me feels world's not quite adequate.

Me feels life's hard when me got no one to share with.

Me hurt me pride.

Me hurt me self-esteem.

Me forget not of she.

Me forget not of me self.

Me wish me more careful.

Me wish me more cheerful.

Me pray that there is us.

Me pray to God for us.

But me then decide,

me think not do all that.

Day 140: Aku dan Semua Yang Terluka Karena Cinta

mencoba mendefinisikan cinta,

ada berapa banyak orang yang sudah mencoba melakukannya?

termasuk aku.

seseorang pernah bertanya padaku,

"menurutmu, apa itu cinta?"

aku mencoba memberikan jawaban filosofis,

jawaban yang terdengar intelek dan berkualitas,

tapi yang keluar hanyalah rangkaian kata,

yang tak punya arti maupun integritas.

aku tergagap dan aku gagal.

sekarang aku cuma tahu,

cinta cukup dirasakan saja.

aku tak mau jadi bodoh dua kali,

mencoba mendefinisikan cinta dalam batasan,

yang gampang berubah seiring waktu.

bila aku pernah luka karena cinta,

semoga tak ada orang yang tahu,

tak ada orang yang melihatnya,

karena bagiku luka seperti itu sebaiknya,

dirawat dan disembuhkan dalam ruangan pribadi.

bila kau pernah luka karena cintaku,

bila kau pernah luka karena merasa kucintai,

biarlah kubiarkan kau dalam tanya,

sedalam apakah lukaku sendiri.

Mungkin Salahku Melewatkanmu

Sesal takkan ada arti karena semua t'lah terjadi.

.

.

.

Maafkan aku.

==================================

I wish I could say the same to myself. I wish I could say that I regret this. But then again, I am not. So why bother anyway. Just live on and keep on walking for whatever that lay behind me is already in my past.

I wish I could made you a poem. I wish I could write you a song. I wish I could paint you a picture.

But I am not all of that because I am not in any kind of an artist.

I wish I could say that I made this up. But right now, I don't even know how to separate my imagination from my reality.

I wish I could buy you things.

I wish I could protect you from harm.

I wish I could always be there everytime you need me.

I wish I was all that but I am not.

I just wish I never wrote this piece but then again I wish I did.

Day 125: Finding What?

There I was, on another trip through the backside, driving alone, like I always do.

And I thought it'd be nice if only I knew the reason why I drove through there in the first place.

What was I really try to find?

What was there to find?

Am I or am I not? Was I or was I not?

What? Where? Which? Who?

WHAT?