Jembatan

Aku masih ingat -- biarpun tidak detil -- hal-hal yang berulang kali menjadi masalah dalam hubungan kami. Semua hal itu bisa dibagi dalam dua kategori:

1. Hal yang berbeda dalam pribadi kami masing-masing, dan

2. Hal yang kami hindari dan tidak dibicarakan, tetapi ada seperti tembok yang menghalangi.

Aku rasa dia juga tahu. Hanya saja dia tidak sampai kelompokkan seperti pembagian di atas. Atau mungkin dia mengkategorikan hal-hal itu tetapi dengan label yang berbeda.

Yang jelas, dalam hal pertama, aku merasa seperti dikekang. Tidak boleh ini. Tidak disetujui itu. Dilarang begini atau begitu. Kadang aku sampai berpikir, seperti dipenjara! Tentu aku tak bisa perbandingkan dengan penjara dalam artian sebenarnya karena aku tak pernah masuk sel tahanan ataupun lembaga pemasyarakatan.

Tetapi ketidaksukaannya yang eksplisit pada hobiku dan alasannya bahwa aku seperti tidak memprioritaskan hubungan kami. Aku tak tahu bagaimana menjelaskan kepada seseorang yang aku tak tahu punya hobi jelas atau tidak, bahwa yang namanya hobi memang kadang bisa menguasai seseorang sampai berkali-kali menomorduakan pasangannya. Mungkin, seandainya saja dia mulai benar-benar menekuni sebuah hobi yang menuntut upaya dan kreasi, kreativitas, energi, waktu, dan uang, mungkin pada saat itu dia bisa mengerti.

Sementara ini? Aku tak yakin dia bakal paham.

Aku punya pikiran sendiri dan akhir-akhir ini daripada bicara, aku lebih memilih diam dan berpikir. Aku bisa menghabiskan berjam-jam perjalanan dengan seorang supir, berdua saja dalam mobil kantor, menuju lokasi, dan aku tak akan bicara sepatah katapun. Tapi lebih baik diam, menurutku, daripada bicarakan hal yang tak aku minati, ketika aku lebih memilih bergelut dengan pikiranku sendiri.

Sedangkan mengenai hal kedua. Aku tahu dia tahu tapi dia tetap tak mau bicarakan. Itu pilihannya. Itu keputusannya. Seperti menunda dan menghindar. Topik sensitif yang akan menarik kami menuju kutub masing-masing, memisahkan kami begitu jauh sampai, kuharap tidak, kami akan berpisah.

Aku butuh jembatan. Sesuatu yang akan bisa menghubungkan perbedaan kami.

Atau lebih baik, aku belajar menjadi jembatan itu. Resikonya adalah, bila gagal, kami akan terpisahkan...

Joyless Times (Part 5 of Many)

I wish that I have something more interesting to say (or write in here!) about anything.

Too bad I just can't find joy in doing my tasks anymore. Tasks that demanding me to sit behind a desk and type all day, making calls and appointment, checking the documents, etc.

But that's what makes me feel inadequate and having all these signs of various diseases.

I just wish that I be more joyful instead.

Anthem Untuk Jakarta

"ke Jakarta, ku akan kembaliii......"

demikian lirik sebuah lagu yang populer oleh sebuah grup band yang juga populer pada tahun '60-an (kalau penulis tidak salah ingat)

tetapi sekitar 20 tahun kemudian,

"siapa suruh datang Jakarta, siapa suruh datang Jakarta..."

adalah penggalan lirik lagu yang populer setelah banyak cerita sedih seputar nasib para perantau yang mengadu nasib datang ke Jakarta.

sekarang, tahun 2000-an, apa lagi?

rasanya, di tahun 200-an ini, Jakarta membutuhkan anthem (lagu kebangsaan) baru. lagu yang dapat menggambarkan kondisi ibukota negara kita ini. mungkin single "Membakar Jakarta" dari grup band Seringai? sayangnya hal ini tidak mungkin terjadi karena - jujur saja - ada berapa banyak dari Anda para pembaca budiman, yang pernah mendengar (dan menghapal lirik) lagu tersebut???

rasanya Anda para pembaca - terutama yang berdomisili di Jakarta - perlu mencari, menetapkan, dan mempopulerkan sebuah anthem baru untuk kota Jakarta.

[sebelum itu semua, mungkin anthem untuk Jakarta adalah lagu "Ondel-Ondel" atau "Jali-Jali"???]

BACA, TERTAWAKAN, tetapi TETAP SEBARLUASKAN!

untuk Indonesia (dan Jakarta) yang lebih baik!

(originally published somewhere in the internet on 15-02-2006)

Day 365-1: What Was That Again?

I have to convince myself that times and things will improve to the better side. Wishful thinking it may be but that must be sufficient enough to keep going on.

Not even 48 hours to 2010 and I am still feeling that times just get worse and worse. Or have I just imagining things?

I know that I still posses next to nothing about skill on image editing, much less in photography, especially portrait. In short: I still suck.



Take a look at that picture. What's good about it? I don't know. I don't even know why I chose to upload this one among many other so-so pictures of her. Maybe because I am short on imagination? A big MAYBE.

Anyway, I fervently hope that 2010 will be better, a lot of opportunities arise, good surprises and better fortunes, and everything working out with my girlfriend.

In case this is my last post this 2009:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Day 315+1: Some Notes About The Lost Symbol

Let me quote a part first:

Only through the death experience could man fully understand his life experience. Only through the realization that his days on earth were finite could he grasp the importance of living those days with honor, integrity, and service to his fellow man.

Now wouldn't that be a surprise? I always have this thought that by depriving or losing or taken away from you, you'd value what you got and already have and probably will still be having.

And by the last part (honor, integrity, and service), that'd be what I really want to see from a lot of people. Man, wouldn't that'd be nice?

Heaven Sent, That's What I Call Ya!

Some folks that know me personally would probably could acknowledge that I like a lot of music. Pop, rock, hip-hop, jazz, blues, metal, electronic (not much), and even local music such as dangdut. Yes, maybe sang some dangdut for a change probably have good effect. Or not.

But there is this one band that I like ever since I was a small kid in a small town surrounded by the jungle of Sumatra. I don't know and don't remember when was the first time I heard their music but even years afterwards I can still enjoy their music. This one (rock?) band from down under I'd like to prefer as legendary but some might argue about this title.

No, it's not Bee Gees although a few of their singles do catch on on me. I'm talking about INXS here. Yes, I guess you'd probably never heard of them or can't even remember their reality show a couple of years back when the remaining member of the band held an audition for a new lead vocalist -- because the last one commit a suicide. Rest In Peace, MH.

No, this post not have any point at all other than that I'm feeling nostalgic today as I played their greatest hits album on my disc player, enjoying the vocal, the sound, and eagerly await for the last song in the list, the once-hot-hit-single, Beautiful Girl.

Some Notes About The Lost Symbol, Part 1

WARNING, SPOILER ALERT!

Now let me put some quotes first (I read the Doubleday's hardcover edition):

Chapter 1 page 7
"    The fifty-eight-year-old philantropist, historian, and scientist had taken Langdon under his wing nearly thirty years ago, in many ways filling the void left by Langdon's father's death."

Chapter 3 page 13
"His physique was not quite what it had been in his college days as a water-polo all-American, but he was still lean and toned, respectable for a man in his forties."

Chapter 3 page 14
"    Peter Solomon had been a friend, mentor, and, although only twelve years Langdon's senior, a father figure to him ever since their firts meeting at Princeton University. As a sophomore, Langdon had been required to attend an evening guest lecture by the well-known young historian and philantropist."

= = = = = = = = =

Now you see, if Peter Solomon was twelve years older than Robert Langdon, that made Langdon forty-six-years-old.

They first met around thirty years ago, let's say for the sake of making it simpler, it was twenty-eight-years ago. That means that Solomon was thirty-years-old and Langdon a mere sixteen -- and Langdon was already in sophomore years!

Well, does Mr. Brown tried to make a point that Langdon is a genius (or at the very least, advanced academically?)

Day 270: Life Is As Good As What You Make Of It

It is two in the morning and everybody's asleep. Well, that's almost everybody, because if you can read this post that only mean that I am not sleeping, not yet, anyway. I did not want to sleep because when I sleep it will be Your face that I see, it will be Your face that I will be dream of. So, instead of a slumber, I chose to keep myself awake.

Someone I overheard saying that Life is as good as what one would make of but maybe I just didn't buy it. I mean, if there's always this perpetual feeling that things could be -- or should I say must be -- getting much better, why does it seem that for me at least that everything has come to a halt, being stagnant (if I couldn't say that it's getting worse and worsen), depressingly routine. It is hard to believe and hold on some optimistic point of view when every facts you have point on the other way.

I shouldn't be saying this -- or in this case, wrote about this -- but this need to write something on this wee hour is so great that I must write. Something. Before I will myself to sleep. Facing You again, in Your own domain, Your dwelling place. And there is nothing that prepare me to another encounter with You.

There is light and there is Light, but there is Dark also.

I just don't know what You represent. Not yet, anyway.

Day -12 And Another Thing Coming Up

I just don't think that their business group will take on our offer and our price but will choose another design consulting service instead. A bad sign because then maybe my boss will have a second thought about taking the concrete and transmission tower erection.

And another thing coming up so I must travel out of town for a couple of days tomorrow. But at 22:21 I still haven't done any packing. I'm such a lazy person. Actually, my headache is killing me and I wish I have a special ability like removing my brain to lessen the pain but still live.

Well, can't blame me for having imagination, though.

Aku Belum Merasa Merdeka

Aku belum merasa merdeka.
Tiap hari kulihat semua.
Merasa tidak adil.
Sepertinya Tuhan berbuat curang.
Mengapa aku yang menderita.
Tiap kunyalakan televisi.
Kulihat orang senang.
Kulihat orang kaya.
Kulihat pria tampan dan wanita cantik jelita.
Itu sebabnya sekarang.
Tak lagi aku membutuhkan televisi.
Setan neraka.