Day 110: The Bleakest Period Of My Life

Talk to me softly / There is something in your eyes / Don't hang your head in sorrow

And please don't cry /I know how you feel inside / I've been there before
Somethin is changin' inside you / And don't you know
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Don't you cry tonight

There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
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Give me a whisper / And give me a sign / Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye / Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you / And the times we had...baby
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You gotta make it your own way / But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow / Come the morning light now baby

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I still don't know what to say.  But all I know that it was all my fault. The only thing left to do now is learning from this.

Maybe I am not worthy of anything and God just made me here to be an example of bad judgement in life, love, and relationship.

I am sorry, L.

I am sorry, M.

Day 105: I Don't Think Your Company Is THAT Great

Today I represent my company on a meeting with board of directors of a -- supposedly and self-acclaimed -- largest national company in this specific field of business.

Basically, the directors asked us, their partners, to be patient for a little while for their bank gave them the money to pay us all.

Well, Mr. X, after hearing all your sweet talking for half an hour and hear your CFO's explanantion which include some mumbling, I thought that your company is not THAT great.

That proves my point of view: Some people made it through with a little help by being boastful.

Day 100: (I Do Hope This To Be) Alive And Kicking!

Again, I missed my 95th Day periodical blog post!

This thing of keeping up with my commitment for a five-day-periodical post is beginning to feel hard to keep. But I wish I can do it.

There's just so much thing going on in my mind that I want to write down but somehow I just can't do it. Maybe this one is up for an update for later.

Just Give Me A Bad Mood

And I'll end up NOT DOING work and instead wasting my day cursing and hating the cause and getting angry at people.

Just like today.

I know that this making me look stupid and childish and emotionally imbalanced (or unbalanced?) which is not a quality that people look after for -- plus people will look down on me.

So this tantrums got to end. I probably have to find a way to positively channel my emotion by not hurting other people. Maybe that's why I have this blog.

God, I wish I don't lash out at people like that.

Look me here stupid. Idiot. Imbecile.

A New DIY Project?

IMG_4583, originally uploaded by digital_dave_ia.

I don't really know it yet but this one project seemed fun and do-able. I just have to figure out the materials needed that was sturdy enough but light and most importantly: CHEAP.

A list of materials (might be growing with time) and tools :

-- a can or two of black spray paint

-- a couple of rolls of alumunium foils

-- a DSLR

-- glue and sticky tape

-- cutting knife and scissors

Now, I still have no idea for the dish. Cardboard? No, too thin.

Day 90+1: I Missed One Periodical Post!

I just realize that I missed one five-day periodical blogpost! What now the step that I can do to make justice?

Sigh.

Must be my mentally ill condition with stuff running around in my head making me unable to do anything positive and fruitful.

Rats.

What's Keeping Me Going?

Lately my work just kind of sucks which made me feel guilty. A lot of other Indonesian are jobless. Even one of my friend got fired from the international company which he had worked for for the last three years.

Me? I'm still working and earning my share that keep me from asking for bail out from my parents. For that, I am suppose to be grateful right?

But here I am, cursing some part of my job.

I had to remind myself again and again to contain it.

Thankfully I have a hobby that can keep my negative auras away. Everytime I had scheduled a hunting, my spirit soar up with anticipation. Like this one time. A friend emailed me that he'll contact me if the shooting he arranged for tommorrow continue as planned.

Eventhough that'll mean that I have to skip a day's work. I try not to think about that. Not now. All I can do is to cross my fingers.

Day 80-1: Weekend, Here I Come!!!

Horeee....!!!

Tak terasa sudah weekend dan kali ini aku menulis sehari lebih cepat karena jadwal seharusnya, Day 80, kemungkinan tak bisa dipenuhi karena aku mungkin akan seharian melakukan perjalanan dan hunting ke daerah Cisarua.

Kuharap tak ada gangguan yang berarti dan semuanya lancar-lancar saja. Untuk itu aku berdoa sejenak...

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Amin.

Nah, sekarang aku -- walaupun sedang migren -- merasa sangat bersemangat sekali. Aku cuma masih belum tahu mau makan apa malam ini. Sekarang sudah pukul 18:45 waktu setempat dan aku sudah lapar. Tapi belum terpikir mau makan apa.

Apakah aku akan mencari p-o-r-k saja? Entahlah.