Day -27: Easily Exhausted

Now I really have to admit: My body is a wreckage.

Months -- even years -- of desk job with less than adequate physical activities has already take on its toll. Now I am an overweight-lazy-couch potato with a beer gut. Not that I drink beer, it's just that now I look like someone who's three months into pregnancy. Not that I am pregnant -- I am a male, for crissake! It's just metaphorically speaking.

Even when I tested myself by climbing four-flight stairs, I ended up gasping out of breath on the top floor with my heart thumping loudly in my chest and making me hard to hear anybody. I thought at that time that heart attack was imminent.

No, I am kidding. I just happen to like exaggerating things to impress others. All right, maybe I am a little bit pathetic. But exaggeration sometimes add colors to stories, right?

Okay, back to my point here. I am easily exhausted and right now at three in the afternoon I have to fight this drowsiness eventhough I already gulped a cup of strong black robusta coffee. Okay, I lead an unhealthy way of life and now that I am preparing for an excursion to the east, I realize that keeping a healthy and fit body is a precious thing and appropriate.

Oh hell. I will walk more, climb stairs more, and even take out my old and dusty sneakers from under the cupboard and don them. Come tomorrow, I'll be walking around in the city garden!


... If I wake early enough.

Confusion on Day -28

Aaarrrggghhh!

I am really confused. Too many things to do yet so little time to do all of them! Especially when lately I seemed to be having some new level of laziness. I slept early and woke up late and still felt sleepy in the office. That made me unable to search and read all the things I deemed important to learn.

You see, previously I thought I could use my spare time in the day to learn about as much information and new knowledge and doing some practices in the night or early in the morning but my body just refused to cooperate with my mind!

Really make me confused...

Starting The Countdown: Day -29

Hooray!

Such an excitement that feels kind of strange to me these days -- because it has been such a long time before that I felt it.

I'm preparing for another excursion to escape this city that has been kind of depressing to me in these couple of months.

So much to do. I have to check and recheck my gears and my schedules and my plans and my itineraries. I have to be healthy and fit for doing the activities and whatever demand on my physical fitness should the need arise.

Well, that one is kind of hard. I am too lazy to wake up in the morning for doing any physical activities to keep myself healthy and in condition.

I should clean up my daypack and my backpack. Which shoes to wear? Do I have to bring two tripods or one sturdy tripod and one monopod? Which lens to bring? When will I be able to search through the internet to find interesting spots and places to visit? How much time does it require to reach each destination? Will the place worth the travel?

I must be doing some preparation and not even writing this post. Geez, so little time...

Day 195: Sedang Musimnya...

Seperti kali ini memang sedang musimnya.

Musim penyakit, terutama penyakit ISPA (Infeksi Saluran Pernapasan Atas). Akibatnya selain pernapasan terganggu, badan juga terasa tidak fit membuat kehilangan gairah kerja. Aktivitas dikurangi dan produktivitas menurun. Penyakit ini mau dibilang serius, tidak juga. Mau dibilang ringan, kok bisa-bisanya cukup mengganggu juga ya?

Tetapi kali ini daripada menghabiskan waktu merasa terganggu dan memikirkan penyakit seperti ini yang juga membuat badan terasa meriang, lebih baik melakukan hal-hal positif dan berguna seperti riset online dan mempelajari peta.

Baiklah! Siap! Bergerak!

Oh Tuhanku...

Seperti yang kutulis di deskripsi blog ini, Tuhan yang aku kenal adalah seorang Tuhan yang suka padaku dan sering bercanda denganku. Hanya kadang saja aku merasa kalau canda yang dilakukan-Nya lebih lucu bagi orang lain yang mendengarkanku mengulangnya. Beberapa kali, ketika aku menceritakan kisah hidupku dan merasakan emosi kesedihan saat mengulang "kaset rekaman" memori itu, pendengarku justru tertawa terbahak-bahak.

**Sigh...**

Tuhan mencintai dan menyayangi aku biarpun aku sering sekali melupakan dan mengabaikannya. Tuhan mendengarkan doa-doaku; permintaan dan permohonanku. Dulu aku meragukan hal ini tapi ternyata tidak juga. Tuhan mendengarkan doa kita yang ditujukan pada-Nya. Hanya saja, sering kali jawabannya adalah, "Tidak."

Atau mungkin, "Nanti."

Lalu adakalanya ketika kita meminta dalam doa yang diulang-ulang, saat kita memohon meminta hanya satu, Dia mengabulkannya dengan memberikan lebih. Lalu kita merasa kaget dan bingung dan segala macam bentuk penderitaan lainnya. Kita mungkin merasa tidak layak terlalu dilimpahi kemurahanhati-Nya. Kita mungkin merasa bingung, "Mau diapakan pemberian sebanyak ini?"

Lalu dalam kebingungan baru kita karena doa kita dikabulkan berlipat ganda, kita malah membuat doa baru kepada Tuhan meminta untuk mengambil lagi berkat-Nya dan hanya meninggalkan satu saja untuk kita. "Cukup satu Tuhan. Sekarang aku tak tahu mau apakan kelebihan ini."

Pernahkah lalu kita merasa seandainya Tuhan seperti aku dan kamu, Dia akan merasa terganggu dan jengkel? Dia akan bilang, "Tadi kamu mohon diberikan, sampai doa berkali-kali. Sekarang Kuberi lebih dari satu, kamu tidak mau. Apa sih sebenarnya maumu, anak-Ku?"

Manusia memang sulit sekali dipuaskan. Manusia memang suka sekali menuntut. Namun, jarang manusia yang sadar kalau Tuhanlah yang memutuskan segala sesuatunya dan manusia cuma cocok menerima saja apa adanya. Ataupun bila sadar, manusia lebih terbiasa untuk melupakannya.

Tuhanku adalah Tuhan yang suka bercanda. Kesukaannya ini didasari oleh rasa cinta kasih-Nya kepadaku.

How So?

How is that so that recently I am easily getting headaches? Were they caused by me getting fatter and fatter? Because I live an unhealthy life, like do no workout?

I can't even think straight without even a slight headache.

Or were it caused by me not getting any of my problems fixed or solved?

Or were it caused by me dying? Hmm.. That's an interesting thought.

People Come And Go, But...

People come and go but I'm still around here.

I wonder what happened to me. Am I being comfortable in an uncomfortable (poisonous) zone like what a motivational speaker told in a TV show?

I was talking about another person who quit our company with intention of seeking a better payroll. That got me into a deep thinking: Was I being to afraid to venture to another path? To another career? To another life?

What am I became? A coward? Where have the adventurous wayfarer spirit go?

What You Are Not.. (Yet)

You're not even a REAL model, YET, but already you started to pick attitudes and embodied it within yourself, some of the worst quality a (so-called) model is.

And that'd be probably your saying that I am not that into socializing with you. And that might be a grain of truth in that since I already sense your unaccepting behaviour -- which include picking with whom you're talking and acknowledgin with -- and I revel on that.

Woman, you're not even a model and the reason people took your pictures because you're one of the only two female in the room who were present to be an object on lighting testing and experimentation project we did.

And sure, you might say that this is such a wimpish act -- by not talking (insulting?) you in front of the others -- but I am sure not want to change the merry mood that session tends to into a sour one.

Until then, woman, be wise. You're just another young female among the abundant young females here living in Jakarta.