Day -14 And An Unfortunate Event Involving Cheap Electronics (Luckily, There's No Fire!)

This is one very unfotunate event happened in my life lately. You see, last night I bought a lot of DVDs to keep me company at this very weekend.

When I got home and pop in a DVD in the player, the disc played for 25 minutes before freezed out. So I pushed the PAUSE button and then PLAY. But nothing happened. I pressed NEXT and still nothing happened. I pressed STOP and then PLAY but the display just show LOADING and still nothing happened!

So the next step I turned off the player and on again but the screen only show LOADING for five minutes but still nothing happened.

I remember perfectly clear that just the very morning I was able to watch a couple of chapters from The Forbidden Legend: Sex and Chopstick Part One so I thought maybe the new disc I just acquired got broken somehow. I popped in the Forbidden Legend DVD and wait for the LOADING screen.

It showed LOADING for a very long time it finally dawned on me that maybe the fact is that the player just went kaput. Craptastic! I thought I'd be lucky coming this August but now I think not.

The one that just got broke was Chinese made with Bratron (in Bridgestone tire font type) and the seller at Glodok told me that it'd probably would only last for a couple of months. Yet it stay strong for almost two years. So I guess it's time for a new DVD player.

Would it be another Chinese made or should I play it safe with an established brand instead?

Day -16 And Still Nothing New (or Day 210)

Just a couple of weeks to go and still I acquire no new skill and I even feel that I am dumber than ever.

I should do a lot of things and learn a lot more but here I am writing this feeling gloomier and gloomier. Should I do something about myself? Like making list of things to be prepared for the event?

Yes I should.

But here I am typing at this window for a post while my mind went partially blank, not even know what to do next.

Day 210: Times' A Changin'

How did I suddenly became gloomy like this?

Maybe because I held everything to myself and keep everyone away.

These are the loneliest days of my life -- times when I think that I really got no one to share, to tell -- and sometimes an end seemed very tempting.

I seek answer but I found no one I can trust who will give me any answer or at least to show me some way.

And changing are people and things around me. People leave one by one.

That made me just getting bitter. My fear is The Change. I know it is irrational but some people have phobia to change and I am one of them. The Change making me feeling a lot of mixed emotions.

Times are changing and I am afraid of what tomorrow will bring.

And to think there is no one to bear with me...

Day -18 And Another Grumpier Day

What is it with this people?

Just finding a couple of serial numbers in a couple of binders, typing them, check and rechecking the numbers, then printing all the documents (two copies for the total of about fifty sheets) should be easy, right?

Yet this guy spend all day doing just that and at five o'clock is already checking out and preparing to go home.

And not even doing anything more. I know he always lagged on documenting things and organizing but this is ridiculous!

It happened a couple of times already and I am the one who's taking s**t for other people's messing up. Craptastic!

Day 205: Colleagues, Oh My Colleagues

How fun can work be if you have colleagues just like mine?

They surely and successfully give me headaches when I need it the least. Oh well, what can I expect?

It's Now Day -22

Today I learn that you can only trust one that much. Being "that" is loosely based on the character of the person whom you gave it to.

But then again, I really hope people can expand their own abilities and upgrading themselves -- which is an egoist notion actually. By being more qualified means that I can delegate more and more work to others.

But then again, doing things would only make me better and better at those things. This is not dillematic because it's simple, really. Do more, practice more, became an expert.

I remember that I haven't finished making padding for my sidebag so I can fit my flash unit and my camera in a bag safely. Safe here means that it has adequate protection against banging them to other things and the bag doesn't look like a camera bag which might fool people who would've thinking of robbing me out of my gears. That way, I can travel feeling more secure.

Day -23 and Another Distraction

This time my job is distracting me from my goals. I have to give support for my colleagues -- which is expected -- and set my priority list aside.

But that is O.K. Since it was my job that sustaining me all these time and surely that being the thing that enable me to take this excursion. Surely, being involved in a committee took up my mind off this preparation too. Maybe I just have to put up extra time for accommodating all these things that happened simultaneously in my life.

Right now, off to my colleagues!

Day -24 And Counting Down

Time sure slipped by..!

And I'm kind of afraid that I won't be prepared enough when the time come!

Day -25: Priorities Get Mixed Up

You see, I have made a priority list.

But being me, I got it all mixed up with the top most became the third or fourth and the not-so-important became number one priority.

Oh well, that's what went wrong with my head. I should preparing myself and my gears but then my concentration and will get distracted by this application that already take up much of my online time, mind, and energy.

Right now I am typing this while occasionally checking on the progress.

Hmm.. Shouldn't I be doing something more productive?

Day -27: Easily Exhausted

Now I really have to admit: My body is a wreckage.

Months -- even years -- of desk job with less than adequate physical activities has already take on its toll. Now I am an overweight-lazy-couch potato with a beer gut. Not that I drink beer, it's just that now I look like someone who's three months into pregnancy. Not that I am pregnant -- I am a male, for crissake! It's just metaphorically speaking.

Even when I tested myself by climbing four-flight stairs, I ended up gasping out of breath on the top floor with my heart thumping loudly in my chest and making me hard to hear anybody. I thought at that time that heart attack was imminent.

No, I am kidding. I just happen to like exaggerating things to impress others. All right, maybe I am a little bit pathetic. But exaggeration sometimes add colors to stories, right?

Okay, back to my point here. I am easily exhausted and right now at three in the afternoon I have to fight this drowsiness eventhough I already gulped a cup of strong black robusta coffee. Okay, I lead an unhealthy way of life and now that I am preparing for an excursion to the east, I realize that keeping a healthy and fit body is a precious thing and appropriate.

Oh hell. I will walk more, climb stairs more, and even take out my old and dusty sneakers from under the cupboard and don them. Come tomorrow, I'll be walking around in the city garden!


... If I wake early enough.

Confusion on Day -28

Aaarrrggghhh!

I am really confused. Too many things to do yet so little time to do all of them! Especially when lately I seemed to be having some new level of laziness. I slept early and woke up late and still felt sleepy in the office. That made me unable to search and read all the things I deemed important to learn.

You see, previously I thought I could use my spare time in the day to learn about as much information and new knowledge and doing some practices in the night or early in the morning but my body just refused to cooperate with my mind!

Really make me confused...

Starting The Countdown: Day -29

Hooray!

Such an excitement that feels kind of strange to me these days -- because it has been such a long time before that I felt it.

I'm preparing for another excursion to escape this city that has been kind of depressing to me in these couple of months.

So much to do. I have to check and recheck my gears and my schedules and my plans and my itineraries. I have to be healthy and fit for doing the activities and whatever demand on my physical fitness should the need arise.

Well, that one is kind of hard. I am too lazy to wake up in the morning for doing any physical activities to keep myself healthy and in condition.

I should clean up my daypack and my backpack. Which shoes to wear? Do I have to bring two tripods or one sturdy tripod and one monopod? Which lens to bring? When will I be able to search through the internet to find interesting spots and places to visit? How much time does it require to reach each destination? Will the place worth the travel?

I must be doing some preparation and not even writing this post. Geez, so little time...

Day 195: Sedang Musimnya...

Seperti kali ini memang sedang musimnya.

Musim penyakit, terutama penyakit ISPA (Infeksi Saluran Pernapasan Atas). Akibatnya selain pernapasan terganggu, badan juga terasa tidak fit membuat kehilangan gairah kerja. Aktivitas dikurangi dan produktivitas menurun. Penyakit ini mau dibilang serius, tidak juga. Mau dibilang ringan, kok bisa-bisanya cukup mengganggu juga ya?

Tetapi kali ini daripada menghabiskan waktu merasa terganggu dan memikirkan penyakit seperti ini yang juga membuat badan terasa meriang, lebih baik melakukan hal-hal positif dan berguna seperti riset online dan mempelajari peta.

Baiklah! Siap! Bergerak!

Oh Tuhanku...

Seperti yang kutulis di deskripsi blog ini, Tuhan yang aku kenal adalah seorang Tuhan yang suka padaku dan sering bercanda denganku. Hanya kadang saja aku merasa kalau canda yang dilakukan-Nya lebih lucu bagi orang lain yang mendengarkanku mengulangnya. Beberapa kali, ketika aku menceritakan kisah hidupku dan merasakan emosi kesedihan saat mengulang "kaset rekaman" memori itu, pendengarku justru tertawa terbahak-bahak.

**Sigh...**

Tuhan mencintai dan menyayangi aku biarpun aku sering sekali melupakan dan mengabaikannya. Tuhan mendengarkan doa-doaku; permintaan dan permohonanku. Dulu aku meragukan hal ini tapi ternyata tidak juga. Tuhan mendengarkan doa kita yang ditujukan pada-Nya. Hanya saja, sering kali jawabannya adalah, "Tidak."

Atau mungkin, "Nanti."

Lalu adakalanya ketika kita meminta dalam doa yang diulang-ulang, saat kita memohon meminta hanya satu, Dia mengabulkannya dengan memberikan lebih. Lalu kita merasa kaget dan bingung dan segala macam bentuk penderitaan lainnya. Kita mungkin merasa tidak layak terlalu dilimpahi kemurahanhati-Nya. Kita mungkin merasa bingung, "Mau diapakan pemberian sebanyak ini?"

Lalu dalam kebingungan baru kita karena doa kita dikabulkan berlipat ganda, kita malah membuat doa baru kepada Tuhan meminta untuk mengambil lagi berkat-Nya dan hanya meninggalkan satu saja untuk kita. "Cukup satu Tuhan. Sekarang aku tak tahu mau apakan kelebihan ini."

Pernahkah lalu kita merasa seandainya Tuhan seperti aku dan kamu, Dia akan merasa terganggu dan jengkel? Dia akan bilang, "Tadi kamu mohon diberikan, sampai doa berkali-kali. Sekarang Kuberi lebih dari satu, kamu tidak mau. Apa sih sebenarnya maumu, anak-Ku?"

Manusia memang sulit sekali dipuaskan. Manusia memang suka sekali menuntut. Namun, jarang manusia yang sadar kalau Tuhanlah yang memutuskan segala sesuatunya dan manusia cuma cocok menerima saja apa adanya. Ataupun bila sadar, manusia lebih terbiasa untuk melupakannya.

Tuhanku adalah Tuhan yang suka bercanda. Kesukaannya ini didasari oleh rasa cinta kasih-Nya kepadaku.

How So?

How is that so that recently I am easily getting headaches? Were they caused by me getting fatter and fatter? Because I live an unhealthy life, like do no workout?

I can't even think straight without even a slight headache.

Or were it caused by me not getting any of my problems fixed or solved?

Or were it caused by me dying? Hmm.. That's an interesting thought.

People Come And Go, But...

People come and go but I'm still around here.

I wonder what happened to me. Am I being comfortable in an uncomfortable (poisonous) zone like what a motivational speaker told in a TV show?

I was talking about another person who quit our company with intention of seeking a better payroll. That got me into a deep thinking: Was I being to afraid to venture to another path? To another career? To another life?

What am I became? A coward? Where have the adventurous wayfarer spirit go?

What You Are Not.. (Yet)

You're not even a REAL model, YET, but already you started to pick attitudes and embodied it within yourself, some of the worst quality a (so-called) model is.

And that'd be probably your saying that I am not that into socializing with you. And that might be a grain of truth in that since I already sense your unaccepting behaviour -- which include picking with whom you're talking and acknowledgin with -- and I revel on that.

Woman, you're not even a model and the reason people took your pictures because you're one of the only two female in the room who were present to be an object on lighting testing and experimentation project we did.

And sure, you might say that this is such a wimpish act -- by not talking (insulting?) you in front of the others -- but I am sure not want to change the merry mood that session tends to into a sour one.

Until then, woman, be wise. You're just another young female among the abundant young females here living in Jakarta.