Senin, Agustus 31, 2009

I Guess That's One Down

There's a lot happened already. Problems, problems, and more problems. Hurt my head. Hurt my feelings. Nothing positive coming out of this. Some of the times I felt worse because actually I am fooling others, I am fooling myself, and I am fooling God. At least the latter part, I pretend to be fooling Him.

So that's it. After years of working and splurging, experiencing a lot and missing a lot more, high times and low, I am officially broke.

That one experience alone is worth more. I know how helpless one could feel about that. How much money can influence the quality of my life. How was it affecting me, my choices, my actions, etc.

From training myself to be more positive and outwardly, it changed me to the extreme reversion. Such is the power of money. I hope I would never be encountering the same problem again or else I'd be losing my sanity [hyperbole intended].

After -- at least I think I did -- tackled that one problem down, I have another one: to change my spending habit. This one is really hard and I mean, REALLY HARD. I hope I could, though.

While I'm at it, I guess the other one is to confront the result of my own doing a few months ago. This one is as hard as it may be.

God, help me to be able to speak this one out.

Jumat, Agustus 28, 2009

Day 240: Apa Kemungkinan Terburuknya?

Begitulah pertanyaanku ke diri sendiri.

Maka aku memberanikan diri mengirim sebuah pesan lewat situs jejaring sosial terkenal ke seorang fotografer profesional yang bekerja untuk sebuah raksasa media di nusantara yang banyak menerbitkan berbagai majalah lisensi.

Biarpun aku berusaha mengirimkan pesan sesingkat mungkin, tetap saja aku rasa agak melantur. Aku mulai dengan pembukaan berupa upaya mengingatkan -- yang mungkin sia-sia karena dua kali pertemuan kami singkat saja -- kapan dan dimana kami pernah bersilangan jalan. Lalu kusebutkan alasan mengirim pesan, yaitu melihat karya fotografi terakhirnya di sebuah majalah yang baru saja kubeli kemarin. Kuakui aku tak mencoba memuji fotonya di situ karena aku merasa karya-karyanya yang lain masih lebih bagus dan menarik buatku (pendapat dan selera pribadi).

Terakhir, tentu saja, untuk memancing jawabannya (kalau dia mau menjawab) adalah melontarkan pertanyaan tentang lokasi fotonya yang dipasang sebagai foto profil.

Setelah itu aku menekan tombol "Kirim Pesan".

Lalu aku langsung menulis post ini untuk alasan sederhana: melampiaskan kelegaanku karena akhirnya mau mencoba menghubungi orang yang (beberapa) karyanya menyadarkanku kalau di Indonesia orang juga punya kemampuan sama (atau melebihi) kemampuan orang luar negeri -- such a very loose term.

Yang sekarang kulakukan adalah meneruskan aktivitas seperti biasa dan melupakan satu hal ini. Bila ada jawaban dari beliau, bagus. Bila tidak, setidaknya aku sudah mencoba lebih aktif lagi.

If I could, and you can see, I'm patting my back right now and both of us smiling broadly.

Senin, Agustus 24, 2009

Di Tepi Sungai Piedra Aku Duduk dan Menangis -- Paulo Coelho

Jika kepedihan harus datang, biarlah ia datang dengan cepat. Karena aku memiliki kehidupan, dan aku harus menjalaninya dengan sebaik-baiknya. Kalau ia harus membuat pilihan, biarlah ia melakukannya sekarang. Dengan begitu aku bisa menunggu atau melupakan dirinya.

Menunggu sangatlah menyakitkan. Melupakan amatlah menyakitkan. Namun tidak mengetahui apa yang harus dilakukan adalah penderitaan yang paling menyakitkan.

Di suatu sudut di hatiku, aku merasa Ia mendengarkan permohonanku.

Sabtu, Agustus 15, 2009

Day 2 On The Road (Part 3)

Alone an Alone, another view in Terminal 3

Day 2 On The Road (Part 2)

Another interesting view.

Day 2 On The Road (Part 1)

Yes, I know that I missed my Day One post, but hey! I'm on a vacation so spare me! Yesterday I am amazed by the view of the Terminal 3 of Soekarno Hatta International Airport in Cengkareng. Spacious; sophisticated; humane. So very different from Terminal 1 or 2. You can actually enjoy your waiting period there.

Below I inserted one photo that I took with my mobile phone.

Kamis, Agustus 13, 2009

Day 225 in Coincidence With Day -1

Here I am writing this one blog post when I should be rechecking BALUT II and BAST II documents for various projects before I embark on my travel in my long-awaited vacation.

I had one paracetamol 500 mg earlier this morning and yet my headache still have its reign over my head and disturbing my peace. Oh my delicate head and its precious thoughts and ideas!

Luckily my lenses and my camera is ready and already cleaned and checked. I'll be bringing my Sigma 24-70 mm f/2.8 and Nikon AF 80-200 mm f/2.8 D ED with tripod collar plus my Yong Nuo YN460 speedlight for this trip plus a SLIK tripod but haven't decided on bringing my monopod or not.

Of course a backpack and a daypack for my stuffs and gears for this short trip is ready but the contents aren't yet.

I have uploaded my travel itinerary to the cloud just in case I lost my printed ones.

My medicine is packed in a special case.

Now I really think that I miss something. I just wonder what that is...

Rabu, Agustus 12, 2009

Day -2 And Still Unfinished!

Today is.. Oops.. Tonight is the Day-2 but I still haven't finished packing yet and as midnight looms I'm getting tired.

Maybe I just call this a night and get some sleep. I need sleep.

Selasa, Agustus 11, 2009

Today is Day -3, Let Me Think First

Because today is Day -3, I thought it'd be appropriate to recap about all the things I did and haven't do yet. My backpack and daypack is ready. My personal medicine too.

My clothes? Not yet. I haven't decided yet which jacket to bring. And how many t-shirts would I be needing? And shoes, what about shoes? Should I be wearing my old sport shoes or a newer canvas ones?

My photograpy gears, should I bring my Sigma 24-70mm f/2.8 and Nikon 80-200mm f/2.8 or just the Nikon tele or would I better be bringing my kit Nikon 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 DX lens too? Three lenses? Isn't it too much to bring? In which bag would I be keeping them all? In separate cases or in one daypack? What about tripods and monopod? Or should I bring my monopod too? Does Angga have a tripod that he can spare me?

The list would be a long one but I must keep all the stuff I bring along to a minimum. Or else I'd be getting back pain. I guess I'm not that young anymore. Sigh.

Senin, Agustus 10, 2009

Day -4 A New Week A New Problem

As I said before, my fever has subsidized (kind of) but my cough seem reluctant to let me go. The doctor said that I might be allergic to dust or small particles not just from cold climate. He even warned me about the risk that my tonsils have to be taken in case it got infected due to the allergic reaction that made me unwell.

Such a horror!

Anyway, I should be using masks everytime I might be exposed to a lot of dust (or fine particles in the air) or else it'll be an operation! Now, I guess I have to get back to work, making list of stuff to bring with on my upcoming travel!

Sabtu, Agustus 08, 2009

Day 220: Saturday Night Fever, or Day -6

My sore throat got worse. Maybe because of my diet. I am stupid but it's kind of hard to find enjoyable gourmet here. Less than a week and I'm off! Yet my condition is getting better then worsen again. I don't know what my body really want but right now I'm sure I could use some bath and soap.

Huh? You don't get my point?

I'm sweating like a pig a couple of times today and the shirt I'm wearing keep getting wet and dry alternately -- so now you could imagine the smell.

Why I'm not getting myself bathe yet? I just got lazy.

And to remember that this is a Saturday night, when all people seemed to be out to get some fun, here I am slumped on the couch typing this post and feeling miserable about my body and the fever that grips it dearly. I got the August edition of MAXIM Indonesia but seeing the photos taken by the experts there made me green with envy.

Ah, better read something that got nothing to do with photography.

Kamis, Agustus 06, 2009

Day -8 Another Bad Luck

Looks like I am down with a fever right now. A nice and friendly fever that hold on me so tight I can't think clearly due to asphyxiation.

Ha! I bet you had to open dictionary on that one word!

Not a good sign at all. A lot of work and so many things to do and yet here I am writing this post while trying so damn hard to think of projects' documents that seemed very keen on practicing ninjitsu by disappearing! Been a long time ago that we done some of the projects and a lot have changed so now when all those things suddenly trusted upon me to carry on and finish them, I gagged.

Crap.

Minggu, Agustus 02, 2009

Day -12 And Another Thing Coming Up

I just don't think that their business group will take on our offer and our price but will choose another design consulting service instead. A bad sign because then maybe my boss will have a second thought about taking the concrete and transmission tower erection.

And another thing coming up so I must travel out of town for a couple of days tomorrow. But at 22:21 I still haven't done any packing. I'm such a lazy person. Actually, my headache is killing me and I wish I have a special ability like removing my brain to lessen the pain but still live.

Well, can't blame me for having imagination, though.